February 27th, 2008 Posted in Martial Arts | No Comments »
Dr. Maxwell Maltz found that the way we see ourselves directly relates to
what we are capable of achieving. The beliefs we have about ourselves are a
compilation of our past experiences and what others have told us since
we were children.
Your child is going to believe what you tell him about himself. If you
make consistent positive deposits to your child’s self-image, than your
child will grow up believing they are capable of great things.
If your word deposits are negative than that is what your child will
grow up believing. If the latter is the case then your child will have
to un- learn the negative images that you have painted for him,
whether you meant to or not.
Here’s a story to illustrate- Many times I run into parents who inform
me that their son or daughter is “shy.” I particular take an interest
in these children because I firmly believe that martial-arts
are a great way to break them out of that shell!
I particularly remember a little girl who was just about to turn five
years old. She was “tiny” and petite therefore her parents believed
that her stature controlled the confidence that she had in herself.
I’m not totally sure, but I wouldn’t doubt if her parents told her things
like “you’re smaller so be careful” Obviously if she was, “small for her
age,” she would have figured that out and then asked why the other kids
were bigger? No Big Deal!
Nevertheless, the little girl was very hesitant to take classes. When
she finally did a couple of lessons she did very well!
One evening her parents walked into the school appearing frustrated
with her. They had her karate uniform in hand and began to explain that
she did not want to take karate anymore. My staff member very gently and
with a lot of concern asked her to clarify. She said in a warm, loving,
caring tone; “Do you just not want to do karate today or do you not want to
do it again ever?” At this point she informed my staff member that
it was just today!
Her father became very angry and told her to “make up her mind!”
It seemed to me as though this little girl was feeling a little bit of
anxiety because it was just her third visit. We wanted to give her enough
time for free until she felt comfortable. Usually this takes no longer
than one to four classes, in most cases one.
The lesson I gathered from this story is simple. The little girl was just
living up to the shy label that her parents had given her in the months
and years prior. She had actually stretched her self-image in the previous
two visits, but like a rubber band snapping back was her parents’ conviction
that she was shy.
Do not label your kids unless you are one hundred percent
sure that the label will be one that you want them to live up to!
In my career working with parents I’ve seen many whose message to
their child’s self-image was positive and too many whose messages were negative.
Many parents make the mistake of labeling their children as shy,
un-coordinated, un-disciplined, or quitters! Knowing what you now
know I’m positive that you will be careful of the label you give your child.
Talk to you soon!
© 2008 by Michael Dolpies
http://www.karatesuccess.com/
Karate Success, Martial Arts and Mixed Martial Arts
Barnegat New Jersey, Southern Ocean County
609.660.9988
Don’t forget to listen to this week’s podcast!
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How To Find The Good In Every Situation!
